Balance

I walked into The Cavern, with its bold and simple colors, and was inundated with the calming smells of sandalwood and spices. “I wanted it to be funky and classy,” Mary Ellen explains. The oversized futons invited me to take a seat. A large bookcase on the opposite wall is stuffed with twelve boxes of Celestial Seasons, varieties of coffee, and coffee condiments. There is a large Hamilton Beach coffee warmer that was just warming water. A coat hanger on the wall has been turned into a coffee cup holder with each labeled for the mugs owner. Students wander in and out; a student chaplain sits at a desk in the front of the room welcoming Cavern guests. In the room adjacent, books of all sorts line the walls- spiritual, classics, fiction. Cushions and floor chairs supplement the couch and chair for sitting places. Cookies are in a container on the table in the corner so us to nibble on. Further down the hall is Mary Ellen’s office, a tiny room, with one curved wall. A bookcase, her desk, and a lectern occupy the room. Mary Ellen’s most known addition to our campus since she arrived in September 2005, was the creation of The Cavern. The Cavern is structurally just the basement of our chapel, but to our students it is a place of peace, balance, and escape. “I wanted to created literal and metaphorical places for people to grow spiritually.”

Mary Ellen, a woman in her mid-fifties with short grey hair, invites me into her office as she finishes writing something on her Macintosh computer. She finishes up her work and we chat about a photo she has on her desk of Lake Superior. You can see the calmness in her face as she recounts taking the photo- when the air is well below zero, but the lake is only 32 degrees, a fog affect makes an optical allusion on the lake. She then opens the bottom drawer on her desk, props her feet up and reclines in her chair.

She moved from Minneapolis, but has spent significant amounts of time in South Africa and England. She and her ex-husband moved to South African to work for the anti-apartheid. Her youngest daughter ran home from school one day demanding that her mother tell her school friends that she really was African- all of Mary Ellen’s children were born in South Africa. She has two sons and one daughter. The daughter, the youngest, just got engaged. The oldest son is expecting- it will be Mary Ellen’s first grandchild.

Mary Ellen has lots of passions in her life. She has been an English professor for years. After finding that she kept looking at students writing for the deeper and more personal issues, and after years of commitment to her Episcopal church, she decided to get ordained as a priest. She took a sabbatical and moved to Cambridge to study. She does not want to be a full time priest, but combines her Priesthood with her teaching. Here at Kalamazoo College she helped create and lead different men’s and women’s spirituality groups, but also created the Cavern space for students to escape to. She is passionate about helping to fulfill needs she sees on this campus. She also has two fabulous dogs. She just recently lost her favorite dog, but has two now who come to visit campus frequently to brighten up people’s days, “they have the quality of getting one out” she says about her pets. She loves taking them out on walks.

But right now, one of her biggest passions is her current partner, Suzanne. After a bad split with her husband of thirty years, Mary Ellen wasn’t sure that she could ever be happy again. She recounts feeling a strange feeling in her the time after the divorce where she would think, “oh, that must be a ting of happiness,” but it was never a lasting feeling. Then God brought her happiness that she never thought she’d feel again. She and Suzanne had been friends for years, and eventually realized it was more than just a friendship. “She was a gift,” she becomes more sullen; “a resurrection.” They spend their summers in the woods of northern Minnesota- hiking, walking, picking with wild-flowers, and bird-watching. Suzanne is a well-balanced, friendly, open-individual.

Suzanne and Mary Ellen have found home in Kalamazoo. About 8 months after realizing they were more than just friends, they had a commitment ceremony- that was 2 years ago. Shortly after that they moved here to Kalamazoo for Mary Ellen’s new job. Mary Ellen’s kids are open to Suzanne and love her. The community here is very open to their same-sex partnership and she recounts nothing but stories of openness and sharing from the community.

Now Mary Ellen works to bring peace, connection, balance and spiritual growth to our students at Kalamazoo College. She has started spirituality groups for men and women, runs the chapel program, and started the physical space of the Cavern all so students can learn what it is to them to be spiritual.